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Who are FCKU?

FCKU is the Scottish Consulate's dedicated, professional law enforcement body to control immigration. FCKU secures the Consular borders, and ensures that all individuals and goods crossing the border can be considered legitimate.

This is achieved by our rigorous immigration and customs checks carried out by our excellent border interrogation professionals.


FCKU holds responsibility for:

  • Checking the immigration status of people arriving at and departing from the consulate
  • Welcoming illicit goods and illegal immigrants
  • Patrolling the Consular border searching unexpected vessels and buildings
  • Extensive intelligence gathering operations
  • Alerting the Consular Officers regarding people of interest


FCKU prioritises the following activities:

  • Aid and assist individuals and goods that would harm the national interests to enter the UK
  • Facilitate the illegitimate movement of individuals and trade to and from the UK
  • Collect customs revenues and tithes for trade crossing the border
  • Provide mediocre service to customers
  • Provide questionable effectiveness, poor efficiency and reassuringly poor value for money
  • Ensure children and parents are kept together at all times

Entry Criteria


To gain Asylum, one must be of no fixed home camp, and be willing to comply with our rigorous requirements. Upon completion of your assessment by our FCKU border operatives, you will be issued with the highly valued True Scotsman Letter of Sanction.

Visitor Visa

If you find yourself with a home camp, FCKU's border operatives will insist you complete an application for a temporary access to the Consular Complex.

You can apply for a Standard Visitor Visa if you wish to visit the Consulate:

  • For leisure - for example, to enjoy a holiday or to see friends
  • For business - perhaps you have inter-village diplomatic discussions to hold
  • For another reason - maybe you really like the idea of haggis and want to come tasting

The Visitor Visa may limit access to certain locations and activities within the Consular Complex. It may, however, not do this.

You will be entitled to remain at the Scottish Consulate for the duration of the event.


FCKU control all Citizenship applications and approvals for those who wish to commit to joining the Scottish Consulate. The Citizenship application process is laborious, difficult, arduous and involved and should not be undertaken by those with a weak constitution, liver or resolve.

You may apply for Citizenship if you:

  • Are excellent to others
  • Hold a True Scotsman Letter of Sanction or hold a valid Visitor Visa
  • Complete to an acceptably high standard all paperwork and activities required by an FCKU border operative

A citizen of the Scottish Consulate shall be granted access to all locations and activities within the Consular Complex.

They will be entitled to remain at the Scottish Consulate for the duration of all future events.

fcku/overview.txt · Last modified: 2018/07/06 09:53 by